One morning in November I woke up raw and sad. An unsolicited email from an ex had knocked me out of my power. I felt pain in my neck and in my spine. Oh, no, I thought, not another day of this. Committed to my morning practice of body and soul time I instinctively put on a youtube mix of Ani Difranco, who I hadn’t listened to in years and laid down on a roller on my mat. The roller dug in along my spine and intuitively I began running my hands along the floor, out from my legs, up above my head and slowly out and down again. It felt good, like the thing my body needed. And then, suddenly I realized what I was doing:
I was opening my wings.
I’ve been having visions that I have wings for almost a year now. When I first saw them, I remember noticing they were huge and white, but bound by thick rope, keeping them close to my back. Occasionally, I could feel them opening, in those “A-Ha!” moments. But most of the time, they were tied up.
A few weeks ago during an intensive Circling Immersion Workshop I saw my wings again. Circling is a dynamic group process focused on transforming our way of being through authentic relating with others. During one process, I was supporting a young woman as she stepped into her power: I saw her wings, and mine, and they were opening and beating together. Later, while doing my own work with the group around shame and anger, I felt them again: my chest opened as I locked eyes with someone in the group, my wings broke free. I felt almost a daring energy coming from my chest: What have you got? I dare you. I’m ready.
In that moment I could feel a new sensation radiating from my chest in a bright orange-red fireball. This fireball resembled a fiery planet, with red flames in orbit around a yellow luminescent core. The amazing thing about this planet is that it didn’t seem to matter where in the Universe it traveled, I knew it was secure because it was orbiting on it’s own axis of light. And just like that, wings flapping, fireball churning, I returned to my power.
The thing about recognizing and stepping into your power is that it’s scary and you WILL get pushback. Fear of that pushback or shame around taking up space can easily keep us small. For years I was worried that by speaking my truth I would upset others or rock the boat too much. I had this idea that if I was a “caring person,” I couldn’t really speak my mind or have what I truly desire because it might hurt someone.
The truth is, when we show up in our power, we can trigger people. But the benefits of that power and everything we have to offer the world, make it a disservice to society to say small. It is actually our responsibility to find our power. I realized that I had been suppressing my anger, but if I actually channel it and welcome the parts of it that motivate me to make change, it can be a force for good.
So I’ll say it out loud here and own it:
I am angry that you lied to me about your feelings—I am worthy of better. I choose to channel this anger to create opportunity for authenticity and honesty in all my relationships.
I am angry at the human rights abuses, racism, sexism, and bigotry in our country and in our world—we deserve better. I choose to channel this anger into action in service of justice.
I am angry that I let fear and shame keep me from being seen. I choose to not to hide my power any more.
I invite you to join Five Days of Fearlessness Challenge! Just JOIN THE CHALLENGE HERE and then post about your fearless action each day this week in the Inner Peacebuilding Now Facebook Group. Let’s support each other in taking back our power!
How are you hiding your power? What’s keeping you small?
What is that thing you’ve been resisting or suppressing that will actually set you free?
What is the first step you are committed to taking that will unbind your wings?
What will you committed to doing today to practice FEARLESSNESS?